People want babies. That’s what keeps my practice busy. But the reason for this is not as obvious as you would think.
There are two different schools of thought concerning why we behave the way we do. One extreme viewpoint is that everything is LEARNED, meaning that we think the way we do because of the influences we got from our families, friends and the environment while we were growing up. The other extreme is to think that everything is GENETICALLY PROGRAMMED into our brains. As is often the case, the real truth is somewhere between the two extremes.
Sure, our parents make repeated statements about how happy they will be when we give them grandchildren. We are happy for our college classmates when they become proud parents themselves. We gleefully watched on TV as Monica (with some help), Rachel and Phoebe had babies. But, is this what is driving us to want babies?
Social ecologists say no. They believe the answer lies in the innate programming that is imprinted in our minds even before we are born. Imagine back in our ancestral environment as primitive men and women roamed the earth. There were some people who possessed genetic traits that made them pursue behaviors which would result in their having more children and in their caring for their children so as to help them survive to reproductive age themselves. Some of these behaviors would include seeking out and attracting fertile mates, having lots of sex and protecting oneself and one’s family from enemies and nature. Those people who performed these actions best would be more likely to have children and pass on their genes. Those others whose genes led them to avoid sex, avoid taking care of children and avoid taking care of themselves would be less likely to pass on their genes. After several centuries, the genes that make people more likely to pass on their genes would exist in much greater abundance in subsequent generations of the population. That’s where we are today.
Think about it. Each and every one of us alive today is descended from a hundred generations of ancestors on both sides who were healthy, hard-working and lucky enough to survive to reproductive age, attractive enough to convince someone to mate with them, fertile enough to bear offspring and “parental” and protective enough to help those offspring survive to someday reproduce for themselves
The world has changed much from those primitive days of hunting buffalo and foraging for food. Behaviors that used to be beneficial in a low-food environment, such as the tendency to eat sweet and fatty things, which would be high in caloric value and thereby help people stay alive, are now detrimental. In this day and age, where abundant Whoppers and shakes are within five minutes access for all of us, it is not advantageous to have brains hardwired to seek sweets and fat. However, the lag of evolution is great and it will be many many generations before our brains change.
When it comes to reproduction, many of my patients inquire if infertility is hereditary. Not really. There aren’t many people who can say “I’m infertile because my parents and grandparents were infertile”. However, this statement is no longer entirely true. For example, men with certain micro-deletions in their Y-chromosomes, making their sperm all but incapable of fertilizing eggs naturally, can now fairly easily have children with the help of IVF-ICSI. Without technology, these men would have failed to have children and would not have passed on their genes. But now, it is very possible that their sons will inherit these “infertile” genes and someday need IVF-ICSI themselves to reproduce. And so on.
It used to be that in order to reproduce, one had to be very good at finding a mate. This, too, is no longer the case. Now what it takes is the capability to afford donor sperm, donor eggs and/or a surrogate. In fact, in countries where government entitlements pay for these services, you don’t need to be fit enough to afford anything. You just need the good fortune of being born into such a society.
The world may have changed, but evolution is patient. Thus, we are all still prone to behave in ways that were a winning strategy in the game of life as it existed centuries ago. So as you sit and wonder why you are so driven to get pregnant and have children, don’t fight it. With bombardment by messages all around you in conjunction with centuries of hard-wired genetic programming, it’s a wonder you’ve waited as long as you have.
Update FEB 23 2009: There are some people who strongly disagree with this.
