Wedding. Ring. Honeymoon. House.
Earlier this week, after a debate between me and my friends, I set out to settle the following question. What’s most important to people concerning marriage? Now, I’m not speaking of the truly important matters such as love, honesty, integrity, passion, trust. Instead, I am referring to just the more worldly matters. So, let me clarify. Out of the four big ticket MATERIAL items associated with marriage, namely the RING, the CEREMONY, the HONEYMOON or the HOUSE, which one would most women say takes priority in her heart? Obviously, not everybody will agree on the exact same answer, but is there a general consensus?
In a very unscientific study, I set up a poll inviting women’s input. The results, whether suprising to you or not, are certainly interesting. Here are the ongoing results so far. I would be grateful if you could also add your own answer and comments, either openly or anonymously.
As someone with great faith in the practical wisdom of today’s woman, I predicted ahead of time that most would choose HOUSE as the priority, at least those who were of a more mature age than let’s say… teenagers. I wasn’t so sure about those who were in their early 20’s. Perhaps they might be more romantic and choose the symbolic glittery ring as their primary focus.
This is just an informal poll, not a scientific investigation. The study design could be easily picked apart. First of all, there is great selection bias in that the answers are obtained only from women who are internet-savvy and have the energy and passion to visit a website and render their opinion. I also chose not to moderate, censor nor hide the comments, making it very likely that a respondent will read all the previous answers and allow the crowd mentality to potentially sway her own response. But I’m not rying to get this published in a journal, get a government grant or obtain FDA approval for anything. I merely wanted to generate some fun discussion and stimulating thought. And from the feedback of friends who have read the responses, that has certainly been achieved.
How does this have any practical value regarding fertility? For me, it serves as a reminder about how well or how poorly women (or people, in general, as I believe it’s just as true of men as well) know what they want. And even if they do know what they want NOW, they certainly don’t always know what they want in the FUTURE.
For example, the respondents who are on their second marriage show that their views on the priorities NOW (house is #1) differ greatly from their views when much younger (ring is #1). I see this often in patients who pour their hearts out to me saying , "Doctor, it’s so ironic. When I was 25, I would have sworn on a stack of Bibles that I never ever wanted kids. I was so sure of it that I would have signed a contract attesting to it. And here I am (at age 37) struggling with infertility and seeking expensive treatment. And now I can’t bear the thought of never having kids of my own."
Just a gentle reminder to those of you in your youth who are so sure that you don’t want children. Be proactive and reexamine your priorities from time to time. Be open-minded about your potential to change your mind and maybe you’ll be able to get a start on motherhood early enough so as not to need the services of an RE. But even if you don’t realize it early enough to do it on your own, we’ll still be here to help. 
Thanks again for your participation in this poll.
